четверг, 30 октября 2008 г.

in my other school...

i had to crap half way through an algebra lesson, so i went up to the teacher and asked hip quietly...
"sir plz cud i go to the toilet?"
to which he said loudly
"of course u can james," as i wos new to the school he said
"just go out of the door and in to the door marked TOILET"
i wos soooo embarrassed i shat mtself there and then

it wos very embarrassing, but hilarious 4 every1 else

How dumb can credit card companies be?

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so
priceless And so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it
is today!

A lady died this past January, and MBNA bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and Then
added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance that had been
£0.00, now is somewhere around £60.00.

пятница, 24 октября 2008 г.

Only An Aussie.......

A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightening.

One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried. Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.

He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped...

Then, he spoke...
'Iron this will you -- and then get me a beer !

четверг, 16 октября 2008 г.

While volunteering at a special school

for 6th form community services, I was oh so luckily invited to help look after class 7, the most.. "problematic" class...
and it was wednesday afternoon, time for our weekly trip out into the real world.

Today, we were going to a very old mansion, national trust and all that, where all the local proms etc were usually held.
anyway, i had the pleasure of looking after francis, who was about 9 years old, and a bugger to keep hold of.

after a good twenty minutes of gripping his hand, he managed to twist himself free and go running off into the antique sewing machine exhibition. i can't see him, and am begining to panic...

until i notice what MUST be a shit stain on the floor... a long smeared trail of runny shit leads me to francis, whos somehow managed to get shit on his fingers, which hes pressing against a glass display case for one of those sewing machines... with a big lump of semi solid shit just resting on teh top of his shoe.

..i let one of the real teachers clean him up :|